This poem was ‘commissioned’ by Dan who has fond memories of the joy of spending time on the warm south side of a haystack. I found the Villanelle form challenging but think that it is a suitable form for the message of this poem.
Sun-coddled, leeward, I hide.
A haystack, my hasty home,
Sitting snug, on the south side.
The arctic air blasts far and wide,
But I escape its biting moan.
Sun-coddled, leeward, I hide
Sleepy, bless’d, I abide,
Adopt the stack as mine alone,
Sitting snug, on the south side.
No special secrets to confide,
Nothing to say that is unknown.
Sun-coddled, leeward, I hide.
Peace rests here at my side,
Eternity and I, alone.
Sun-coddled, leeward, I hide,
Sitting snug, on the south side
That is a good suggestion Lydia. It willl take me a while to come up with a suitable substitute for the sins. How about
“Nowhere I’d rather roam,” except this implies movement and it probably needs something static. There isn’t a large choice of things which rhyme with moan, known, alone and home. I’m going to have to keep cogitating on this.
Thank you, thank you
Some suggestions:
On me the light has shown.
or
I’m pleased to be alone.
Just suggestions. I like playing with rhyme; it’s like working on a crossword puzzle!
Yes, yes, good, you are loosening me up and it IS like a crossword puzzle. How about:
“Eternity and I, alone” or
“This afternoon all alone.”
I am inclined to go for eternity as it has a better ring.
Eternity it is!
This is a lovely villanelle, Jane. I’ve tried writing in the form myself, and I know how challenging it is. Because of the subject, the repeated lines work particularly well. Only suggestion/question: Given the general comfort of the poem, “no sins to atone” seems strong.